On Saturday I went skate roller-skiing for the first time this season and I'm going to do the best I can to describe how amazing it was. First I should preface this by saying that I left my ski season on less than happy terms even after having the best summer of training of my life in Truckee, California. But for a number of reasons I couldn't get things to click when the race season arrived. And being a senior it wasn't as if I could simply shrug it off and think 'better luck next year' because this season was it for me. Sure I'll do an Eastern Cup or two but overall my ski racing career ended in a painful, splintering crash.
So needless to say I took a slight step back from skiing once the season was over. I went out a few times but didn't jump on every opportunity to ski like I would have normally. Basically I felt like if I didn't take a break my frustration with the season and its various hardships would transfer to the sport itself rather than remaining attached simply to the appropriate sources.
Despite this the time to start roller-skiing again came. I knew it was time because I was itching for the opportunity to go skiing again. I wanted to go. There wasn't a training plan telling me when, no coach saying I needed to get practicing, I simply wanted to go. So a plan was made and the night before I felt like a little kid on Christmas Eve; I knew what to expect because I'd experienced it before but the anticipation for so much happiness and maybe a surprise or two kept me awake.
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After clipping into my Swenor skate skis and velcro-ing my pole straps I was off. The first five minutes was essentially a sprint as I lapsed into a hyper-excited mode. Once the initial excitement wore off I fell into a steadier rhythm and it was only then that I swear I felt my muscles yawn. It was as if they had just woken up and were falling into what they know how to do naturally. I felt them elongate, stretching themselves out after a long hibernation, and a feeling of refreshment trickled throughout my body as every muscle fiber, tendon strand and blood cell became aware of what I was once more asking of them.
I skied around for a little over an hour, refreshing myself on technique and body positioning, remembering to shift my weight and thinking about how high to bring my arms. But even as I ran through my mental checklist of what I needed to be doing to make myself more efficient as a skier I realized I was already doing it. My muscles knew, my body remembered.
With everything in check I sought out the hills, discovered I was less afraid on downhills, and more daring on one foot. And I'd say that my relaxation now is mostly do to the fact that I no longer have anything to lose. If I fall and break my leg now (knock on wood) it's not going to impact my training or season because I'm no longer liable to anything or anyone. But if that were to happen a year ago the negative consequences would be devastating in the mind of a racer calculating training hours and would be a significant setback on fitness.
While I loved many aspects of being on a team and following a training plan I'm also discovering that I love the freedom of being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want. I don't have to worry about how it will positively or negatively impact my race results. I've been able to get more into running again, a sport I sorely missed for the past four years. If it's raining out I can decide whether or not to even go outside let alone train for multiple hours. If it's zero degrees this winter I don't have to go out and do intervals. And best of all I can know now that every time I go for a ski it's just for me.
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